


What Would I Do?

by faiinai



Category: Persona 3, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Falsettos References, Grief/Mourning, Inspired by Music, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Musicals, Persona 3 Spoilers, Romantic Angst, dealing with death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-03 21:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16333850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faiinai/pseuds/faiinai
Summary: - SPOILERS FOR PERSONA 3 AHEAD -When he passed, Makoto left 3 things for Akihiko: His clothes, his evoker... and a song. A year has passed since then.Now, Akihiko has no choice but to perform it.





	What Would I Do?

The sound of sniffling filled the dry, empty room. Dust particles flew throughout the air aimlessly. No lights were turned on, engulfing the room in a pale darkness. The only light source came from the early afternoon sun, beaming through the dark room and casting a square of light upon the hardwood floor. Akihiko sat on the bed, alone. Small streams of tears flowed down his cheeks. He tightly gripped the thick, black jacket in his arms, bringing it closer to his chest. He lowered his head into it, and took a deep inhale.  
"It still smells like him..." Akihiko whispered to no one. The scent from the jacket he clutched was so faint after so long, but Akihiko still kept inhaling it to reminisce. Reminisce about the moments he spent with his precious treasure. Stroking his hair in the moonlight in their bed, affectionately crushing him to his chest before they went off to school, kissing his forehead before they went to bed, caressing his body during passionate kisses... Those memories, and a plethora of others, were brought back by this muted scent. The sparkling, ocean blue eyes he saw every day were something he longed to see now more than ever. Tears from Akihiko spilled onto the jacket, as he tried to compose himself. He couldn't break down, especially not today. He set aside the jacket to his right, and wiped away his tears on his sleeve. With one more sniffle, Akihiko calmed himself and stopped his sobs. He stood up, as a knock sounded on the door. Akihiko turned to the door. 

"Akihiko, are you ready?" Mitsuru concernedly inquired.  
"Yeah, just, uh... Gimme a sec..." Akihiko responded. He walked over to the table to grab the papers he needed for today's gathering. The papers were something of extreme importance to both Akihiko and Makoto. It was... a song. A song that Makoto adored when he was still around. It was from an American musical Makoto became enamored with and made Akihiko watch multiple times. Akihiko had trouble understanding it because it was all in English, so Mitsuru helped him translate a recording of it as a birthday gift for Makoto so they could both enjoy it equally. When Akihiko actually understood it, he realized how gorgeous and romantic the story was and how beautiful the songs were. The song Makoto adored, most of all, was the grand finale. The musical's finale and the abrupt ending of Makoto and Akihiko's relationship were all too similar. So, in honor of Makoto, Akihiko would perform this song for the first year anniversary of his passing. Reading the lyrics alone were painful for him. Every note of the song described his life with Makoto too perfectly. Akihiko would tear up just thinking about the song usually, but today, he had to steel himself and perform it for his one and only. Over the course of the year, Akihiko had taken both piano and vocal lessons in order to bring justice to his boyfriend's song. He'd do anything to make this performance perfect. Absolutely perfect. It had to be. 

A couple days before this, Mitsuru gave Akihiko a gift. The gift was sheet music of the song, but the lyrics were all translated into singable Japanese. When Mitsuru gave him the sheet music, he took his hand and told him sternly.   
"Make this performance unforgettable. Let your feelings for him flow through."   
Akihiko took these words to heart when they were told to him. 

Akihiko took a deep breath, and shuffled towards the door. He opened it, and greeted Mitsuru.   
"Everyone's downstairs. Are you prepared?" Mitsuru inquired once more.   
"Yeah. I'm not letting him down now." Akihiko sternly said. They made their way down the grand stair case. Mitsuru placed her right hand on her hip, and walked down with Akihiko, her black heels penetrating the carpet with every step. They reached the bottom step, as the former member of S.E.E.S came into view. They all sat in the living room, patiently waiting for the inevitable. Yukari sat rigidly on the leftmost seat of the couch closest to the door. She tightly gripped her dress, with a pained expression on her face as she looked down towards her thighs. Fuuka sat on the rightmost seat of the same couch, hands clasped together and resting on her lap. Her calm face stared into space with no aim. Junpei sat in the chair diagonal from Yukari, with his legs spread out and left arm hanging off the armrest. Ken and Aigis sat on the second couch, parallel to Yukari's couch. Ken looked down with a gloomy look on his face, swinging his legs back and forth. Aigis had a similar look of despair on her face, and looked down. Her body didn't move a single muscle while sitting. The air in the room was heavy, to say the least. 

Mitsuru continued her stride into the living room, walking over to the chair parallel to Junpei's. She took a seat, now crossing her arms. Akihiko followed behind her, and noticed a major difference in the living room. Where the TV usually was, there was a piano in its place. Akihiko knew what it was for, but he just thought that it was odd to see it where something else was. He took the seat in between Ken and Aigis. He looked down towards Ken's legs, noticing Koromaru. He was lying down near Ken's feet, almost seeming like he was sleeping. Mitsuru suddenly cleared her throat, as she began to speak. Everyone's heads turned towards her, along with Akihiko's.   
"Welcome everyone. You all know why I've gathered you here today, so I won't state the obvious." she sternly began.   
"So, I suppose we'll just start by saying what we remember about Yuki-kun. I'll start." Mitsuru said. She started saying a few words on how Makoto was not only an incredible leader, but also one of the best friends she'd ever have. She spoke about fond memories he spent with her. After she finished, Fuuka followed the same format. Then Yukari, then Junpei, then Aigis, and then Ken. When Ken finished his small speech, he turned his head towards Akihiko.  
"Sanada-san?" he spoke, passing his turn on to him. Akihiko put his hands together, his fingers interlocking, trying to find the right words. What could he say? Makoto was... perfect. He could go on and on about how kind he was, beneath his cold exterior, how adorable he was, how many warm nights he'd spent with him... Akihiko started.

"I... Makoto was... my everything..." Akihiko softly said.  
"He was the best man I'd ever met. Every hour, every day I'd spend with him was perfect. I'd do anything to get back that time with him. I was more than happy to call him not only my friend, but my partner, too... I loved him, and I still love him."   
The members of S.E.E.S looked at him with patient, calm looks. Yukari's left eye had a small tear in it, with a weak smile on her face.   
"Thank you, Akihiko." said Mitsuru. She glared at him with a concerned look. "Ready?" She mouthed to Akihiko. He nodded back to her, and he stood up, papers in hand. 

Akihiko shuffled over to the piano, and sat at the seat. Mitsuru spoke once more.   
"Akihiko is going to perform for us a song that he and Makoto shared with eachother." Akihiko set up sheet music and placed his hands on the piano keys. He took a deep breath. You can do this. Do this for him, Akihiko thought to himself. His eyes looked on with the sheet music, as his hands pressed on the keys. His performance had finally begun. 

" _What would I do, if I had not met you?  
_  Akihiko's voice rang out to the other members. His singing flowed through the song.   
_Who would I blame my life on?  
_ His fingers moved across the keys, pressing them gently with every note required. More complex finger movements came as the song progressed, and Akihiko kept up.  
_Once I was told that all men get what they deserve._  
_Who the hell then threw this curve?  
__There are no answers but, what would I do?_  
_If you had not been my friend._  
_You're the only one._  
_One, out of a thousand others..._  
Akihiko's voice continued to serenade the other members with the slow, melodic, emotion-filled song. His voice, occasionally, cracked on a couple notes, but it was to be expected by singing such an important song for his partner. His piano-playing kept in rhythm with the sheet music, flipping the packet of pages sometimes to move to the next part. Akihiko reached the second verse. 

Out of the blue, something came back into Akihiko's mind. Another memory. And then another. Then another, and another, and another. Memories of Makoto flowed back into his head like a torrential waterfall. His soft face smiling in the pale moonlight of restless nights in Akihiko's bed, Akihiko caressing Makoto's face, stroking his hair... Everything started to hit him as he continued singing.   
_Who would I be,  
__if I had not love..._ _"_ Akihiko stopped. His piano playing stopped simultaneously. His hands slowly twitched towards his ears.   
"L-love..." Akihiko tried to finish off, no longer singing. His voice shook with despair. Tears immediately began pouring out of his eyes, onto his knees. Makoto's calm voice echoed throughout his mind. It was like Makoto was standing in the back of Akihiko's head, bringing back these mementos to him. Akihiko clutched the sides of his head, covering his ears. He shook uncontrollably. Makoto's voice grew in prominence inside his head, until there was only a single solitary phrase echoing.  
"Please... Don't leave me." 

"Akihiko, are you ok?" Mitsuru questioned, putting a hand on Akihiko's back. He was taken aback by the feeling, but he didn't hear what she said. Makoto's voice filled his head with sweet nothings and unfulfilled promises. Suddenly, Akihiko got up and sprinted up the stairs, apologizing to the other members. His stomps echoed throughout the dorm. Within seconds, he reached Makoto's room, swung open the door and rushed towards his lover's bed. He dropped to his knees at the side of the bed. The black jacket he'd held earlier remained on top of the bed. Akihiko snatched it up with his left hand and brought it to his face. His loud sobs were muffled by the jacket, as his tears wet one of the only mementos he had left of him.   
"Why...? Why'd you have to leave me? You bastard..." Akihiko choked out. His face sunk deeper into the jacket.  
"Hey..." a familiar, calm voice spoke out behind him. A familiar voice that echoed in his mind moments before. Akihiko took his face out from the jacket and turned behind him. The first thing he saw was blue.  
Blue eyes, and blue hair.

"Ma...koto?" Akihiko whimpered. He crawled over to the familiar figure's legs. It looked down to him, meeting his eyes. It was him. It was Makoto. Makoto formed a gentle smile. Akihiko slowly brought himself to his feet, feeling up and down Makoto's sides. He needed to know if this was real or not. He needed to know that his mind wasn't playing tricks on him, that it wasn't a hallucination brought on by despair. A point for point copy of the clothes he just held in his arms covered his boyfriend. Everything about him, his body, his clothes, his legs, his arms, they were all exactly the same. Except for one thing. His eyes. Makoto's eyes were vacant and blank. No emotion came from them whatsoever. In fact, the color of his eyes seemed to be darkened from ocean-blue to a more navy tone. Akihiko didn't care though. He was just happy that Makoto was back, in some form. He threw his arms around Makoto's body and squeezed him tight. Tears started to come out once more, falling onto Makoto's shoulder. Makoto's body felt fragile, like if Akihiko squeezed too hard, he'd break into a million pieces. Akihiko choked out words through stifled sobs. 

"I... missed... you"   
Makoto put his arms around Akihiko's body in return, his hands stroking the boxer's back.   
"Why didn't you finish the song?" Makoto calmly inquired. Akihiko's eyes widened.   
"I... I just... It hurt so much... I'm so sorry..." Akihiko continued to choke out. His tears continued to pour, as his sobs began to quiet down. His grip on Makoto grew slightly tighter.   
"Please, don't cry... It's ok." Makoto softly comforted. He removed his left hand from Akihiko's back and moved it to the top of his head. He began running his fingers through the short, silver spikes of hair, and stroked it slow.  
"Do you remember when you used to do this to me...?" Makoto asked. He nuzzled his head closer into Akihiko's chest.  
"Of course I do. You'd make the cutest faces..." Akihiko reminisced. They simultaneously unwrapped their arms from each other and took a seat on the bed together. Akihiko kept his hand on Makoto's shoulder. 

"Why and how are you back...?" Akihiko finally questioned. Makoto gazed at him with his empty eyes.  
"I don't know, honestly. All I know is that I wanted to see you and... now I'm here." Makoto confessed. Akihiko's grip on the boy's shoulder got tighter, when he suddenly noticed something off.   
"You feel so... cold." Akihiko stated. He only realized it now, but no heat was coming off of Makoto. His body felt like it had just clawed its way out of an ice cube. A tear streamed down Makoto's left cheek.   
"I... I'm sorry." Makoto softly said.   
"What for?"   
"...I don't think I can stay here much longer." Makoto said, with the tone of regret in his voice.

Akihiko's eyes widened. His body started to shake violently. Makoto... He's gonna leave me... again? Akihiko thought over and over again. He suddenly didn't have control over what his body did anymore. He robotically stepped towards Makoto. Akihiko got chest to chest with him, and threw his arms around the blue-haired boy. He squeezed him tighter than before, with desperation fueling him. Akihiko's tears suddenly poured out all at once, resulting in a waterfall pouring onto Makoto's back.   
"P-please God, no no no no, please d-don't leave me again. You can't do this to me again, please don't." Akihiko stuttered. His words were clumped together and being delivered at a jackhammer-style speed. Makoto's body shook with Akihiko's.   
"Please, I'll do anything, a-anything. I'll steal, I'll kill, please just tell me what I have to do." Akihiko desperately begged, as his arms shook.   
"One more hour... Please, just let me hold you for one more hour..." He continued. Makoto began to sob into Akihiko's chest.   
"I can't.. I'm so sorry..." Makoto choked out. Their sobs combined with each other into a melancholy symphony. 

Makoto broke through his sobs for a brief moment, and asked a question.   
"Akihiko... Do you regret anything?" Akihiko hugged him tighter, for fear that he'd just slip out of his arms. He calmed his crying to answer Makoto in a clear, calm tone.  
"No... Nothing... I'd do it again. I'd do everything again, if I knew I'd love you this much." Akihiko confessed.   
"That's what I wanted to hear... Thank you." Makoto said. The feeling of Makoto's body began to slowly dissipate from Akihiko's body. No more cold, it was just nothingness. Spots of Makoto's body faded away into the air. Akihiko shut his eyes so he wouldn't have to face what was happening. He just wanted the illusion that he was still there, in his arms. Soon, Makoto was nothing more than only a mirage in the sunlight coming through the window. Makoto whispered something. Something so quiet, you'd only hear it if you could hear a pin drop. Akihiko caught all three words.  
"I love you."  
And he was gone.

Akihiko had nothing in his arms. The figure he'd hugged so close didn't exist anymore. His arms ran into his stomach, still trying to take ahold of something. Nothing could be grabbed. Only the stale air. He whimpered to himself, opening his eyes. His sobs grew in volume at his visual confirmation. Tears dripped from his eyes, with no stopping point. A soft knock on the door broke Akihiko's concentration on the previous event. He turned to look at the sound's source. It was Mitsuru, standing in the open doorway.   
"Akihiko... You saw him, didn't you?" Mitsuru softly asked.   
"...Yeah..." Akihiko confirmed. He composed himself, devolving his sobs into light sniffles.   
"You know the final lines of the song, right?" Mitsuru questioned. Akihiko's eyes widened. Her mouth opened as she began to sing. Her quiet, alto voice directed towards Akihiko and Akihiko alone. She stepped towards him as she sang the final lines.   
_Lovers come and lovers go  
__Lovers live and die fortissimo  
__This is where we take a stand_

  
She reached Akihiko, and put a hand on his shoulder.  
"Be strong for him." Mitsuru affirmed to him.   
"Keep him with you. Be his strength. Be the reason he's remembered on this Earth." Akihiko sniffled. Mitsuru's words touched him. He needed to keep on living for his one and only. His Makoto. But it was so hard when so many things reminded him of the happier times he'd never get to spend with him again. Only in his dreams would he be able to now.   
"...You're right." Akihiko confirmed. Even if he had to spend time with him in memories and dreams, he'd make those memories and dreams the longest ones he could, goddammit. Mitsuru smiled at him. Akihiko smiled back.   
"Come. Everyone's waiting. We're going to visit the grave." Mitsuru requested. They walked out the door together, pausing for a moment to look back at something. The black jacket he's been using for his tears for so long. He paused. Quickly, he ran in, snatched it up, and ran back to the doorway. He'll need these, won't he? Akihiko thought to himself. He looked back inside the dark room.   
"I'll see you again, soon." Akihiko whispered. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed this!


End file.
